10 ways to get fired. Please try these at your own risk!
1. Whenever answering the phone, and its for your boss, say "He's under his desk screwing his secretary. Can I take a message?"
2. Strip off all your clothes. Complain about how hot it is in the office, regardless of the temperature.
3. When your boss is on the phone scream "Dammit! I'm expecting a call!! Stay off the phone!!"
4. If your boss bumps into you, start screaming sexual harassment. Talk in great lengths about the state laws on harassment. Get the authorites involved. Threaten to sue.
5. Sleep with your boss's daughter. Videotape it. Pass out copies around the office. Brag about how easy she was.
6. Steal various office equipment (pencils, staplers, desks). Frame your boss for it.
7. When asked to do something start laughing hysterically. Continue this for five minutes. Calm down and say, "Oh, you were being serious?"
8. Loosen the bolts on the boss's chair.
Laugh loudly when he/she falls down. Play innocent.
9. Whenever the boss starts to tell you a story, interrupt him/her with a story of your own. Make sure the story is boring and has no point whatsoever.
10. Send a dozen roses to your boss's house when their spouse is home. Sign an ex-flames name on the card. Next day, ask him/her how their evening was. Be obvious.
Showing posts with label joke. Show all posts
Showing posts with label joke. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Doesn't It Annoy You When...
Doesn't It Annoy You When...
...there's a car alarm nearby that goes on for hours and the owner is nowhere to be found?
...you buy an answering machine so you won't miss any calls, and then everyone hangs up when they hear the machine answer?
...there's a cop car in sight and everyone thinks they have to drive 10-15 mph slower than the speed limit?
...you're reading a magazine and all those annoying little subscription cards keep falling out?
...you tell someone that a door is locked and they try to open it anyway, like it'll magically open for them and not you.
...someone says, "well, to make a long story short" and then they go on telling it for another 15 minutes.
...a friend or family member says "Yuck! This is awful!!" and then tells you to try some.
...you have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just looking around.
...you rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get out.
...a waiter or waitress is not around at any time other than right after you put food in your mouth.
...your tire gauge lets half the air in your tire when all you want is a pressure reading.
...there's a dog in your neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.
...the power goes out, and you discover every flashlight you have has dead batteries.
...someone gets in the express lane at the supermarket and writes a check or uses a credit card.
...the elevator stops at every floor and nobody gets on.
...you almost ALWAYS back up your computer files but the week you don't, your hard drive crashes and you lose everything.
...there's a car alarm nearby that goes on for hours and the owner is nowhere to be found?
...you buy an answering machine so you won't miss any calls, and then everyone hangs up when they hear the machine answer?
...there's a cop car in sight and everyone thinks they have to drive 10-15 mph slower than the speed limit?
...you're reading a magazine and all those annoying little subscription cards keep falling out?
...you tell someone that a door is locked and they try to open it anyway, like it'll magically open for them and not you.
...someone says, "well, to make a long story short" and then they go on telling it for another 15 minutes.
...a friend or family member says "Yuck! This is awful!!" and then tells you to try some.
...you have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just looking around.
...you rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get out.
...a waiter or waitress is not around at any time other than right after you put food in your mouth.
...your tire gauge lets half the air in your tire when all you want is a pressure reading.
...there's a dog in your neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.
...the power goes out, and you discover every flashlight you have has dead batteries.
...someone gets in the express lane at the supermarket and writes a check or uses a credit card.
...the elevator stops at every floor and nobody gets on.
...you almost ALWAYS back up your computer files but the week you don't, your hard drive crashes and you lose everything.
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